Posted by
Playful Walrus on Monday, January 28, 2008 12:38:26 PM
Let's return to
Dear Abby.
“Seaching for the Right Words” says she has been dating a guy for more than two years, but that they do not want to get engaged without her parents’ approval.
In the meantime, Trav and I are constantly confronted by people who are eager to see us tie the knot. I wish I had a dime for every person who has asked, "So, where's the ring?" or, "Why don't you just elope?"
I’d bet that most of the people doing that are women.
We used to try explaining that we're waiting for my parents' blessing (and for Travis to finish college), but nobody seems satisfied with our reasons for waiting. I respect my parents' opinion, and do not feel I must defend it to others.
One of the problems here is that these two have tied themselves down to each other before they should have. They should be dating other people and should not be serious and steady until they are old enough and done with school. Travis should be focusing on school anyway, and not what to get her for Valentine’s Day.
As far as pressure from other people - it is none of their business.
Dear Abby’s advice is...
Smile and say, "We'll set a date when we're ready, and we're not ready yet." Then change the subject.
That’s perfectly fine. There are also some other good lines to use, but most of them don’t work if you have already tied yourself down to one person. Most women expect a relationship to “go somewhere”, as if they aren’t happy with the way things are (and, if they are dating to marry, they
should look for a “progression”). So, once you have tied yourself down to one person, expect other women to nag.
They all want to be invited to the associated parties. They won't be the ones doing the hard work when the going gets tough.
Then there’s Broken-Hearted in Washington, who asks…
Is it possible for a wife of eight years to have a baby from another man and three "flings" after that, and still say she loves her husband? This is killing me.
It is possible she still likes the security, the financial support, and the “relief pitcher” in case the other men aren’t around. Love is shown by what someone
does. Her actions were not loving. And at some point, you have to ask yourself – what is her pledge of love worth anyway?
Dear Abby responded...
It's possible, if the wife is a sex addict who can't control her behavior. More important is how you feel about her, because you would have to be a masochist to allow the situation to continue unless she gets some much-needed help.
I really wonder what the response would be if the sexes were reversed. I think it would be more along the lines of “throw the bum out and live off of his alimony.”
By the way, in most places, that child is the legal obligation of the husband, and if Washington is like California, once they hit ten years, he’ll have to pay her alimony for life in addition to child support for a kid that isn’t his. Nice, huh? Is it time to recriminalize adultery?
Men: choose your wife wisely. Treat her kindly.