Posted by
Playful Walrus on Monday, April 07, 2008 3:49:54 PM
I need to start looking for advice columns written by men.
WAITING IN CAPISTRANO writes in to Dear Abby:
I have been dating a woman in Phoenix -- where we both lived -- for the past three years. We were in an exclusive relationship, but not living together because I was going through a divorce when we met. Throughout our time together I have helped "Jackie" with rent and cash gifts.
Fool.
I have since moved to California,
That means there is no longer such thing as an exclusive relationship.
and Jackie would like to come and live with me.
Just say no.
I thought it would be nice, but a cohabitation agreement would be necessary because I have a lot of assets and she has very few.
Don’t shack up. Problem solved.
After some discussion, she came up with an agreement, but I feel the benefits package she's asking for is too high. She's asking me to pay all living expenses, housing, food, health insurance, a new car with auto insurance and an allowance of $3,000 a month.
Sounds like a prostitute. That is, if you are fornicating with her. If not, then she’s a tease in addition to being a golddigger.
I balked on this "deal" because it seems more like a rental agreement rather than a loving relationship.
Uh, yup.
She maintains that she needs a "cushion" in case the relationship doesn't work out because she'll be leaving her job and friends behind.
That’s why there should be no moving for a partner without being married, or at least a ring and a date and a pre-nup.
Dear Abby responds:
If the relationship does not work out, the consequences would affect her financially for the rest of her life.
What about him?!?
TED writes in to Dear Margo:
I had been out of the dating scene for a while, but finally found someone I really like and think would be a good match for me. We get along great and I get the sense there is mutual interest. I have kept matters on a friendly basis thus far because (and herein lies my dilemma) her longtime boyfriend committed suicide a couple of months ago.
Too soon! Depending on how she recovers or doesn’t you might be better off not getting involved. And why was she attracted to a man who committed suicide? If she doesn't figure that out, watch out.
I can tell there are some personal issues she is still working out because of it, and I don't want to push anything too soon.
You know, you’re probably in the “friend” pile anyway, and thus have no chance of this becoming a romance. And hanging around as a friend longer will only make that more true. Look for romance elsewhere.
Dear Margo responds:
Let things continue on a friendly basis and be whatever kind of friend she needs you to be -- which I suspect, for now, is a buddy to lean on. When she is ready, I am guessing your relationship with this woman could blossom into the romance you desire.
Oh no… tell the guy to subject himself to all of the messy fall-out under the false (and selfish) hope that she’ll eventually see him as romance material? Bad advice.
STRESSED OUT writes in:
I'm not sure how to start this, but my husband confuses me. We have been together for five years (married almost three), and in that time we've had the same argument over and over again about "fulfilling his needs."
Why is there an argument? Why did you marry him if you didn’t want to fulfill his needs?
I've never been a sex kitten and his libido always seems to be in overdrive.
If you fornicated before marriage, you should have known this and not have gotten married. If you waited for marriage to make love, part of the risk is having these differences – either way, you should seek to accommodate. You can if you try.
When I give in to appease him, he complains that he's not interested in "mercy sex," but he's too impatient to wait until I'm in the mood. He normally ends up frustrated and gives me the silent treatment, while I've just become annoyed at this point.
So far, it sounds like you need to spend Dr. Laura’s "fifteen minutes minimum of daily physical contact". If you still aren’t in the mood by the middle of that, or he refuses to do what he can to get you into the mood, it is time for counseling. Most men, when you tell them clearly and specifically what you need, will do it.
I love him dearly and enjoy his company, but sex just doesn't do much for me, not to mention I have a highly stressful job that leaves me exhausted most of the time.
What if he were to tell you that he couldn’t ever be romantic towards you, or listen to your venting, because his job was stressful? Now you sound more like someone who shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place.