Posted by
Playful Walrus on Wednesday, May 07, 2008 12:16:56 PM
This recent Dear Margo caught my attention.
UP AGAINST A BRICK WALL writes:
I am a 21-year-old female who's still living at home with my mother and stepdad. I am a lesbian and currently in a relationship. The only problem I have is that neither my mom nor her side of the family approves of my lifestyle.
Either live by their rules or move out.
I want to make her happy, but I also want to be happy.
Sometimes, that is not possible. Many times, people pick partners of the opposite sex that their families don't like, too. Your mother doesn't have to live your life. You have to live your life.
How can I start a life with my girlfriend if my family looks down on me because they feel it's "wrong"?
People start lives all of the time even though their family isn’t supportive of their choices. Sometimes that involves choices about schools, career, religion - you name it. If that's what you really want, then do it. But maybe you're conflicted about your choices, hence the letter to an advice column?
Dear Margo, of course, doesn’t offer those nuggets. Here’s what advised instead:
I would encourage you to live your life in a way that feels natural, not in an artificial way that you think would please your mother.
How about telling her to move out on her own?
I have to wonder if Margo would advise a man to do what “feels natural” if he naturally felt like sleeping around on his wife? Or sleep around without being married? Or was naturally attracted to kids? Or naturally felt like urinating in public? Or naturally wanted to overeat? Sometimes, feelings needs to be dealt with in ways other than letting them dictate behavior.
As for your instinct being "wrong," tell your mom -- and her side of the family -- that in matters of sexuality, which is hard-wired, there is no wrong.
Gotcha. So, polygamy, adultery, pedophilia, not caring about your spouse’s needs... none of those are wrong? Maybe that's not what you mean, but that is what you're saying.
And because you say they are religious, tell them God does not make mistakes.
Funny, people never use that one when they go to get plastic surgery, or physical therapy, or a prescription, or complain about a natural disaster. Maybe this has nothing to do with what God has done? I’m convinced that God is ultimately creator, but creation has been marred by sin.
Then invite her to try to imagine her life as a homosexual, and you may have made your point.
Ah, the old “put yourself in my shoes” thing. Did you ever stop to think that maybe her mother has thought of that, and doesn’t want her daughter to miss out on marriage and having children with a husband? I wouldn't know for sure, but I suspect life isn't all that easy for people with homosexual feelings, if for no other reason than we live in a sex-obsessed society that is predominantly heterosexual. But even though people we love face difficulties, we should not abandon our own convictions.