Posted by
Playful Walrus on Tuesday, June 03, 2008 11:36:07 AM
My response to a post at The Duchmeister grew a little long, so I'm posting it here.
In general, not being in a relationship is better than being in a bad one, and that is even more true for marriage. Not all relationships are meant to be, or meant to last. Not everyone is compatible. In fact, deep compatibility is rare.
I say this as someone who is happily married, had my share of good and bad relationships before that, and ended up deliberately avoiding relationships (but still dating) until I found my wife.
I get so tired of hearing a man is "afraid" to commit, or people (mostly female relatives) pressuring a man for being unmarried. Relationships, including marriage, are OPTIONAL. And for many men these days, marriage just doesn't make sense.
Marriage made sense for me because: 1) I believe sex is for marriage, and I wanted sex without the guilt; 2) I'm a one-woman kind of guy; 3) I wanted children, and it is best for children to be raised within marriage; 4) I found a childless marriage-and-family-minded woman with whom I am compatible; 5) I had reached a level where I could financially support a family and did not desire to travel a lot for business or become an high-level executive.
Unless a man falls into all of those categories, marriage no longer makes much sense. It only guarantees: 1) that should the relationship end, he will be paying alimony, and 2) he may very well have to pay child support for any children she brought into the marriage, and any she conceived in adultery while married to him. There are no other guarantees. Divorce rates are high, women file for divorce much more often, and many women today are taught and socialized to put career and friends over their husband and children and to disregard their husband's basic needs.
A bad marriage is a horrible thing. She can spend you into debt, she can ruin your credit, she can destroy your possessions, she can reveal your darkest regrets and insecurities to anyone who will listen, she can interfere with your career, she can refuse to do anything around the house or in the bedroom, she can abort your child, she can cheat on you and get pregnant by another man and then obligate you to support that child, she can assault you (and YOU get taken to jail by the cops)... and she can do all of this and still file for divorce and walk away with half of everything and live off of your alimony payments for the rest of her life (depending on the state).
Men need to be VERY careful should they decide to get married. They should choose their wife wisely, and treat her kindly (thank you, Dr. Laura).
Please note: this article was about a survey of men. In no way do I deny that women also take risks by marrying, or that there are some men who are NOT husband material. And yes, there are good wife-material women out there. I married one.