Posted by
Playful Walrus on Monday, August 25, 2008 4:28:52 PM
Here we go again with a focus on the flaws of men and how women are victims. Mike S. Adams has a column that appeared today right here on Towhnall.com entitled “Real Men Don't Do Pornography”
I commented on the column, but I needed more room to elaborate here on my own blog.
Author’s Note: Having broken one or more of the following rules in no way excuses a man from following them in the future.
This is a good point. Just because someone has screwed up in the past does not excuse them to keep screwing up.
A divorced friend of mine was complaining to me recently about the pool of women available to him here in the coastal Carolina region. His specific complaint was that too many (I think he said “all”) of the women were carrying too much baggage to have a successful relationship. I’m so tired of hearing “men” make this complaint that I’ve made it the subject of today’s column.
If your divorced friend has minor children, he shouldn’t be dating at all. Even if he doesn’t have children, the fact that he is divorced makes him less desirable to many women who have a choice to date men who have never been married. I can’t speak to coastal Carolina in particular, but generally, attractive single women go where the money is, and where they can show off the fact that they are attractive year-round – places like coastal California, Miami, and Dallas. Finally, as far as baggage – yes, there are a lot of women out there who come with baggage, such as real or imagined trauma that has not been properly handled, an entitlement and emasculating mentality, too much extra weight, debts, and minor children. But not all unmarried women have such baggage.
It is not entirely fair and accurate to say that most adult women are carrying a lot of “baggage” or have a lot of “issues.”
Sure it is. At least when talking about unmarried adult women of dating age in the U.S.A.
It is much more accurate to say that most adult women are profoundly wounded and scarred by the things that “men” have done to them when they were not really acting like men.
I see. Women are never responsible for putting themselves in bad situations, are they? They aren’t responsible for picking or continuing to see bad males. They aren’t responsible for running up debts, for getting knocked up with someone they shouldn’t, for becoming obese, for bonding with and wasting time on cads, or for selling their bodies.
Real Men Do Not Go To Topless Bars.
As with most of these, I have to ask… were King David and King Solomon real men or not? No, their sins should not be minimized or ignored. But are we prepared to say they were not real men because of those sins?
Now, I’ve never been to such a place or been entertained by an “exotic dancer”, but how does a topless bar “wound and scar” a woman at a man’s direction? Yes, I believe that working in such a place is demeaning, but I know at least one veteran of such employment personally who disagrees. Regardless, those women have chosen to work there. They are no more victimized than the men who are paying to see something they can easily see – and touch – for free.
Real Men Do Not View Pornography.
I suppose it really depends on what you mean by that word - and no, I'm not pulling a Bill Clinton. Since I am convinced that sex is for marriage and that a man who actively lusts after someone who isn’t his wife is sinning, then most of this would be wrong. But it isn’t if it is made by a married couple strictly for their own enjoyment.
I asked whether he would ever want his daughter to star in a porn flick. He said “never.” When I reminded him that the porn star has parents, too, he vowed to reconsider his continued viewing of internet pornography.
I don’t find this argument so strong. There are many things I hope my daughter doesn’t do, but it doesn’t make those things wrong per se. Some people don’t want their children being professional janitors, for example, but janitorial work is perfectly honest, legitimate, and necessary. I don’t want to see my daughter using the toilet or showering, but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t.
Something that “men” who view pornography do not realize is that it trains the mind to be sexually stimulated by seeing images of many different people nude and engaged in certain acts.
This is not well-worded. The fact is, males have always been stimulated by such things. That is why porn was created. The market was already there. Now, if you had used the words “sexually stimulated only by seeing…”, you would have a more compelling warning.
Eventually, the viewer becomes unable to be stimulated by just one person.
This probably happens to some who view porn. I haven’t read any academic papers on the matter, so I can’t say with any conviction. But how many man are unable to be stimulated by just one person because that one person is emasculating, disrespectful, hostile, unenthusiastic and unwilling to accommodate his needs, and lets herself fall apart?
Thus, a “man” who views pornography is much more likely to hurt his wife by engaging in adultery.
I would agree that a male who views pornography (most males have at some point in their lives) is more likely to engage in adultery than one who never has. But it is also more likely that the one who never has a low libido, and thus is less likely to commit adultery – or make love to his wife very often for that matter - if he bothered to get married.
Real Men Do Not Have Sex With Women They Do Not Intend To Marry.
As one comment points out, this should be “Real Men Do Not Have Sex With a Woman to Whom They Are Not Married” unless Adams really thinks fornication is okay as long as there is an intent to marry. But you know what? Guys sure are finding a lot of willing gals.
Men have it within their power to stop contaminating the future-wife pool. A little self-control can do a lot to strengthen a dying institution.
I agree. But anyone – man or woman – who has saved sex for marriage likewise has every right to insist that the person they marry has done likewise. Women who sleep around with cads and then intend to marry a “nice guy” after they are bored with sex are playing both sides of the fence in the same way as a man who has slept around but wants to marry a virgin. Marriage-minded men should not expect sex on a date, and women should not expect a man they don’t even know to pay for their dinner: women should be willing to pay for their share of dating costs unless they are busy with family or domestic obligations that prevent them from earning an income.
Real Men Do Not Engage In Post-Marital Sex. Saying “I used to be married” is a pretty lame excuse for engaging in post-marital sex.
I agree, but what I think most men who do this are communicating is that they tried marriage and didn’t enjoy it. Since women are freely offering unmarried sex to them, they’ll take it. Especially if they are unchurched or are in churches that have abdicated their moral authority.
And, if you have children, especially girls, there’s a really good reason to avoid it.
It’s a bad idea to risk creating half-siblings.
Put simply, if you have young girls and you start having sex after marriage your girls will find out about it from your ex-wife.
The ex-wife should shut up and remember she once agreed to marry that guy. The guy could probably say plenty of things that she does wrong, too, but parents should not badmouth each other.
Real Men Never Relinquish the Role of Spiritual Head of the Household.
Ah, now that’s a key, isn’t it? Women who say they want “real men” often work against this.
In a future installment, I will deal with the issue of “real women.” That installment will talk about the things women are doing to hurt other women.
Interesting. Nothing about what women do to “wound and scar” men? Nothing about how women are more likely to file for divorce? Or paternity fraud perpetrated by women? False rape accusations? False domestic violence charges? Or child support fraud perpetrated by women and aided by the government? Or women who refuse their husbands? Or spend their marriages into debt? Nothing about women who live off of alimony for the rest of their lives even though they did everything they could to discourage a man from doing what he needed to do to advance in his career? Nothing about romance novels, soaps, and other media that create unrealistic expectations in women about romance and riches, and how men are objectified as sperm donors and wallets? Nothing about women who will date men with no intention of ever marrying him (if he’s a “real man”) or fornicating with him (if he’s one of those other men) simply because she likes the free meals and attention? Or about how women get men fired for “sexual harassment” even though the men did exactly the same things as a more attractive coworker who was not fired?
Like I said, I believe sex is for marriage and the most of other moral underpinnings of Adam’s arguments. However, I do not believe we should “overpromise” on marriage or male-female relations in general. Purity, saving sex for marriage, and fidelity are all great things, but they do not guarantee a happy marriage, uncomplicated marital lovemaking,or good parenting - or good relations between the sexes. Indeed, it could be quite the opposite if one partner is able to abide by these in part because of a low libido, rather than a strong devotion to godliness.
Related: Women Have Created the Child-Man