Posted by
Playful Walrus on Tuesday, October 14, 2008 12:37:48 PM
There are so many reasons why I’m voting for Obama, and why you should, too.
1. First of all, he’s black. Isn’t it time we had a black President? If you don’t vote for Obama, you are probably a racist. There’s no better way to fight racism than to vote for someone who is black.
2. Obama, like, totally opposed the invasion of Iraq from the start. The reason why our economy is having problems now is because we invaded Iraq. Invading Iraq has caused my friends' parents to not be able to afford to pay their mortgages. Because we invaded Iraq, we have been unable to capture Osama bin Laden, who, by the way, didn’t cause 9/11 anyway. We all know that that 9/11 was an inside job caused by Dick Cheney. Because we went into Iraq, thousands of our military men and women have been killed and many more have been wounded. That isn’t what the military is for.
3. Obama will work through the UN, NATO, and AFL-CIO to talk to other countries to prevent war. For example, he would have used the UN Security Council to stop Russia from invading Georgia, and threatening Alabama.
4. Obama is for hope and change, and he’s change we can believe in. I don’t see McCain telling us that he is for hope and change.
5. My union supports Obama.
6. Obama can. He even says so when he says “Si se puede.”
7. All the cool people are voting for Obama. So are the dead people. I’ll bet the dead people know a few things about the future. At least they do when they talk to that chick on CBS.
8. George Bush stole the elections in 2000 and 2004.
9. Obama’s family was once on food stamps. While his mother worked on an advanced degree. So he knows what it is like to be a poor starving student for most of your life. I want to be a student for a really long time. I like college. Great parties.
10. Obama is for fairness. It’s not fair that some people make more money than me. Obama will make it fair.
11. McCain is old, and he’s the exact same as Bush. I don’t want to have an old dude be President, or for things to be like they have been under Bush. Old white dudes are why things are so messed up. They're all a bunch of closet racists. You know they are. Stupid white men. Bush is an idiot. Everyone says so. He's an idiot who has managed to steal two elections.
12. Sarah Palin is scary. She believes in her religion. I mean, talk about a freak. Why can’t she just put up some angel drawings on her MySpace and be done with it?
13. Obama is going to build the economy from the ground up. With his bare hands. He’s going to do it in a way where rich people won’t make any more money, because they’ve made enough money over the last eight years and it isn’t fair.
14. Obama is going to stop global warming. On Mars, too. Some of my best friends are from Mars.
15. Obama is going to make sure I can have a nice house, and if I can’t pay for it, that’ll be okay.
16. Obama is going to make sure that health insurance companies take care of me and pay for everything but don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do.
17. Sarah Palin wants to force all of us to have babies. I don’t want to be forced to have a baby.
18. Obama gives people a second chance. I mean, why should we not have friends just because they bombed the Pentagon? Please. If we were so judgmental about everything, none of us would have friends.
(Disclaimer: For those of you slow on the uptake, I am NOT voting for Obama. This posting was satire.)