Posted by
Playful Walrus on Wednesday, December 03, 2008 7:06:52 PM
I must confess, as if you haven’t been able to pick up on this already, that I just don’t get people who run their lives on emotions and feelings, and even more so when they expect the rest of us to run our lives by their emotions and feelings.
We all have impulses, likes and dislikes, attractions and repulsions. We can't argue that someone doesn't or shouldn't feel a certain way, or isn't experiencing a certain emotion, or didn't have a certain perception of an experience. Those things are their own, and internal to themselves.
The thing is, we can’t govern by them, or structure our society around them, because feelings come and go and one person's perception may conflict with someone else's. That is why we have twelve jurors in trials and checks and balances in our government. We must discuss and decide and lead based on facts, reason, logic, cause and effect, principles and laws. We’re not all going to agree what temperature the room should be, but we can all agree the on the words in the text of the Constitution - even if we don’t agree on what they mean. We should strive to protect everyone’s rights - which is possible, save for the criminal or terrorist violations, not everyone's feelings – as that is impossible.
People who run their lives by emotions and feelings often find their finances a mess and leave a trail of entirely avoidable serious mistakes in their wake that hurt others – more so than someone who lives by objective reality. They may make relationship choices, including professional, political, and religious choices as well as personal, that contradict that even what they should know to be true or for the greater good. They are looking out for their immediate gratification or for that of their clique. When such people organize with each other, they can end up making things worse for even more people.
There are a couple of qualifiers.
Yes, we should we be sensitive to the feelings of others, so as to not intentionally foster negative feelings for the sake of creating negative feelings – mostly, anyway. Shame and guilt and regret can be good things if they stop evil actions.
And...
I’m not saying that intuition, "BS detectors", and gut checks don’t have their place. They do. Often, they are warning us of something that we have picked up on some level even if we haven't been able to connect the dots in a way we can explain to someone else.
Unless you have agreed to go along with arranged marriage in the traditional sense, you shouldn't marry someone if you have no passion for them. But you shouldn't marry them if you do have passion for them if red flags are waving in the breeze.
You should only follow your heart if your obligations are satisfied and your head agrees or is indifferent. Otherwise, stay put until you figure it out. Feelings will often follow behavior. Married people experience that when their spouse wants to get it on and they weren't really feeling like it... until they decide to do it anyway and find themselves having a good time. Platitudes and flattery are nice, but self-esteem and confidence improve solidly with accomplishment. Love isn't about making yourself feel good. Feeling good often results from being loving, though as a wise man once said, with love often comes the agreement to endure pain when the one we love is taken from us.
So what does this all mean politically? It means that we should not be legislating for feelings. We should not be trying to pass laws or get courts to cater to someone's emotions. We should all be free to pursue happiness as long as it does not infringe on the rights of others, and that should be possible as long as our laws and courts protect rights, instead of trying to invent rights.