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Marriage Is Dead – Part II of II

Part I of this piece is here.

So why do I think that marriage may be dead?

Marriage as an institution has traditionally been linked to gender roles and division of labor, mutual respect between the participants and the families from which they originate, commitment, honor, tradition, religion, community, sexuality, parenting, and cohabitation.

Yet, over the years, through our personal actions, through allowing our religious institutions to abdicate their responsibilities and fidelity to Scripture, through our media consumption, through our allowing academic and professional organizations and our workplaces to be hijacked by certain activists pushing the self-serving demands of a tiny minority, through who we’ve elected and who they’ve appoint to the bench… we have torn down too much of the context for marriage.

Marriage is no longer the context for raising children. 
There is no shame by our society any more for conceiving and bearing children out of wedlock.  Indeed, much of our media even encourages it.  We reward such behavior through our government.  God help you if you don’t join in on that baby shower at the office.  Sure, studies show that marriage is beneficial to children, but please… if we really cared so much about children we wouldn’t be killing them by the millions in abortion clinics.  We wouldn’t be dumping them unnecessarily in day care and other forms of surrogate parenting.

Marriage is no longer the context for sex.  This is linked to the above.  There is no shame any more for casual sex. The policies of our institutions even encourage it, and the media certainly does.  There was a time when even those who happily engaged in fornication were very circumspect about discussing it, but that went the way of suing people for breach of promise and alienation of affection.  Conversely, married women are told by too many sources that it is okay to withhold themselves from the husband on an ongoing basis for any reason or no reason at all.

Marriage is no longer the context for living together.  Shacking up is standard.  God help the landlord who tries to prevent shacking up on his or her own property.

Marriage is no longer a lifelong commitment to your bride or groom.  Divorce used to be a disgrace.  Now it is common and not shamed at all.  We even have no-fault divorce.

Marriage is no longer the context for joining the sexes and dividing labor.  While I’m glad that women obtained equal access to the workplace, our society has done itself a disservice encouraging the two-income marriage and downplaying the differences between the sexes, degrading gender roles and masculinity and femininity.  This has done much to get people to think of marriage as simply some sort of affirmation of a romantic or sexual relationship as opposed to something that forms a microcosm of society that is ideal for raising the next generation.

This has made it very easy to recently convince four judges that marriage is something other than something that unites the sexes – that marriage is whatever they want it to be.  This is also the result of a confusion over the nature of rights and the separation of powers in the American system.

Marriage originated as a religious sacrament and was reinforced by governments, even secular ones, because of its benefit to society.  Our laws did not create marriage – they simply recognized and licensed it.  Our media has mocked it, and we have allowed that.

We have somehow allowed a tiny minority to enshrine in law that a “sexual” act that does nothing tangible except spread disease and injure the participants is the equivalent to a sexual act that has perpetuated society for all of human existence and created almost every single one of us.  We have allowed the rare exceptions to define the rules.

We have reduced marriage into nothing more than a way to secure benefits for someone who is perfectly capable of obtaining a job with some of those benefits and signing a contract for the others.  We have turned marriage licenses into nothing more than a piece of paper that supposedly conveys some sort of societal approval for a relationship, even if is the kind that has no potential to perpetuate society and is of little interest to society.  We have turned weddings into nothing more than a narcissistic, materialistic party instead of a sacred moment that changes the lives of the participants and obligates the observers to offer moral support for that covenant.

It doesn’t help that our system punishes men for getting married via 1) alimony and 2) child support even for children conceived in the wife’s adultery with another man.

Hedonistic men say there is nothing a man can get by being married that he can’t get otherwise: it is of no benefit to men.

Sure, family advocates can point to men 1) living longer, 2) earning more, and 3) having more sex if they are married, but intelligent hedonists who understand human behavioral tendencies respond quite convincingly that 1) they’ll gladly trade a few years of convalescence for a lifetime of freedom and fewer obligations; 2) that is an average, they know how to beat those odds especially if they have the freedom for after-hours networking and to relocate, and earning less is just fine without a wife and kids to support; 3) that is an average, and they definitely know how to beat those odds.

Our system encourages women to divorce, and not to remarry (or risk losing alimony payments).

We’ve done much to kill marriage.

And now, because of a ruling by four judges on the California Supreme Court, “bride” and “groom” and “man” and “woman” are getting erased from marriage documents, and people from all over will be able to come to California and force the people of California to issue them a marriage license when there is a bride or groom missing.  Then, they will be able to go back to their home states and demand similar recognition there, too.  Perhaps this will go up to the SCOTUS, and what will they decide, especially with appointments from our next POTUS?

We will have official policy that says there is no difference between something that joins the sexes and something that excludes one of the sexes, despite all of the previous rulings and laws experiences otherwise.

Sure, there is a constitutional amendment on the California ballot for November.  But will that somehow be subverted by the SCOTUS?  It also isn’t far-fetched that the amendment could fail at the ballot box, given how younger Californians have been conditioned to reject natural and traditional understandings about sex, gender, and marriage in public schools and in our media and in our workplaces and even our churches.

And so I fear that marriage is dead, as far as our larger society goes.  So many have lost the Biblical metaphor of a protective and living Father because their mothers made a poor choice in sex partners or treated him badly.  Now, they will also lose the Biblical metaphor of Christ and his bride.

Along with marriage, dead also is the proper role of the judiciary.

Perhaps we should start referring to real marriage as Biblical Marriage, or “God-Ordained”, or “Natural” or “Tradtional”?  At least as long as we have a right to speak, anyway.

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Why Marriage Matters

What is the purpose of licensing marriage?

The state (representing the people) did not invent marriage.  It simply has recognized it and has licensed it.  But why license it?  Because having some recognition and order to marriage is of benefit to society.  All other things being equal, it is better for society to have a man and woman who are married to each other for life, and for children to be raised within that marriage.  It is of less benefit for a child to be raised without a mother or father, no matter how many people are raising that child.  Licensing marriage assists in providing stability in marriage, clarity in divorce and paternity, efficiency in government dealings with children and households and property, and in preventing polygamy and close family members from marrying.

All of society is comprised entirely of males and females. 
So the basic building block of society is found in the uniting of males and females in marriage.  Same-sex pairs, trios, quartets, and so forth – no matter how large, no matter how stable, no matter how loving – do not have a representative of both sexes.  Neither one of the sexes is expendable.

Marriage is how society orders itself and perpetuates itself.

Even if all both-sex pairings do not produce children, they are the only ones that can naturally produce children, and the only ones that can raise those children with one parent of both sexes – which is important, because we all have to deal with both males and females in daily life.

Unless you are completely neutrally bisexual, you can’t say with a straight face that there is no difference between men and women in personal relationships, and thus marriage and parenting.
  Men and women are not interchangeable in this area. No matter how good two women are at mothering, they can’t be fathers.

The state (representing the people) has an interest in how the next generation is raised, as they will be the soldiers, voters, leaders, investors, and workers of the future.  In other words, marriage has a direct correlation on the health of the citizenry in many ways.

We, the people, don’t have the same interest in same-sex pairing.  Yes, same-sex pairings can also raise children, through adoption and third-party reproduction, but those situations are not ideal, and not everyone is in favor of those things in the first place.  We should not encourage same-sex couples (or, single people) to create and raise children without both a mother and father.  While they have the freedom to do so, we ought not enshrine a right for them to do so.  Indeed, true rights do not obligate others without their consent – true rights are natural, like the right to express yourself.  Third party reproduction requires – ta da – a third party, and thus is not a right.  If two men were stranded on an island, they would have no chance of perpetuating society.  Homosexual acts, unlike heterosexual intercourse, has no benefit to society.

There is always someone who points out that, by choice, infertility, or age, there are marriages that do not produce children.  Yes, but both-sex pairings are the only kind that can.  You will never find two men or two women who are able to produce children by themselves.  When the state issues a marriage license, it can verify sex, but should not have access to verifying fertility or intention to conceive children.

We have chipped away at marriage and the conditions that support it, both legally and culturally: encouraging casual fornication without shame; rampant adultery and a lack of legal consequences for engaging in it; denigrating masculinity and femininity, motherhood and fatherhood, and gender roles; discouraging childrearing by making children liabilities instead of assets and usurping parental authority; shacking up; glorifying parenting as a single; and punishing men for marrying women.  Make no mistake – if these things hadn’t come before, we would not find ourselves in this situation now, with the California Supreme Court overreaching and finding new rights for groups that infringe on the rights of others.

Marriage created society.  Our legislators did not create marriage.  Forcing a change, via judicial fiat, on something that has existed in every culture since the dawn of human history is foolishness.  Even in polygamous societies, even in racist societies, marriage was always about uniting the sexes, because uniting the sexes is an inherent to marriage as round is to a circle.  Diluting the meaning of the word degrades something that has served society well, and thus isn’t a good idea.

Not all of the societies of the past were “homophobic” – indeed, some were quite encouraging of homosexuality - and yet “same-sex marriage” has always been an oxymoron, even in those societies.  We did not stop same-sex marriage.  It never existed in the first place.  Activists are trying to hijack marriage as a means to an end.

But supposedly, we are more advanced and wiser now, and someone thinks the California constitution mandates this decision.  It just isn’t so.  A homosexual person has always had the very same right to licensed marriage as the heterosexual person.  It makes no difference whether or not someone wants to meet the conditions of obtaining a license.  Coupling is voluntary.  Thus, there was no need to change the licenses.  It is perfectly legitimate to treat different arrangements differently, and a same-sex arrangement is different than a both-sexes arrangement.  We do it all of the time with other licenses – if you don’t meet the criteria, you do not get that license.

Marriage – husband and wife – provides the best context for raising children.  Homosexual people have to live in the same society as everyone else.  They will not be immune to the ill effects of the further breakdown of marriage and family.

I have been tolerant.  I have not sought to use force to prevent homosexual people from being with anyone of their choosing.  In fact, there are such people who know me who would be shocked to know my feelings in this matter, because they’ve never asked me and I’ve always been polite and kind and fair and respectful in my dealings with them and their partners.  I believe they deserve the same protections anyone else; violence, harassment, vandalism targeting them is unacceptable and I condemn it, just as I do such actions against anyone.

But when you force me, as a Californian, to issue you a marriage license when there is no bride or no groom, you are being intolerant of me.  You are using the force of law to force me to “support” something I do not accept.  You make a mockery of my marriage.  You devalue my marriage with a counterfeit.

Bible-believers are part of this society too, and we see marriage as something sacred and one of the few institutions initiated directly by God.  We can’t support calling anything but marriage marriage.  You might find that some of us would be fine with “civil unions” (California already has them), but the fact remains that from societal perspective, we do not have the same interest in same-sex pairings as we do in uniting both sexes.

So as we kick marriage while it is down, I'm sure we will look the blame the ill results on something else.  It is sad and shameful what we are doing to marriage, and how we're letting a tiny few activists to reorder society for the rest of us.
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More Sloppy and Misleading Reporting on Marriage

These couples act as though they haven’t been allowed to see each other –as if they’re waiting for a marriage license before sharing a bed.  All of this comes from yesterday’s Los Angeles Times.

Joe Mozingo, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer, has a piece that has this heading:
After Disappointments, Couple hopes for Dignity and a Ceremony
For Jim Smith and Frank Reifsnyder, the ban on gay marriage was another example of gays and lesbians being treated 'as less than human.'
They could have had a ceremony before.  And the law in no way treated homosexual people as less than human, any more than it treated bachelors as such.  If you're relying on the law to make you feel good about yourself - good luck.
The slights are mostly small, but cumulative. Maybe it's the blank, slightly confused expression on someone's face when Jim Smith introduces his "domestic partner."
I see – and, as a man, introducing another man as your husband won’t elicit such expressions?  People know what domestic partners are.
Or the extra fee that rental car agencies charge if they both want to drive the car, because they are not married.
Sounds like a problem to be worked out between the rental car agencies and their customers.  There’s no need to reorder a basic building block of society.  It’s like going after a fly with nuclear bomb.
Or the tax forms they cannot file jointly.
So changing marriage about all of these peripheral things, huh?  Yeah, sounds like a good reason to try to change an institution that’s at least thousands of years old.
Each instance is a little reminder that society sees them, according to Smith, "as less than human."
Oh please.  Are widows less than human?
He and his partner, Frank Reifsnyder, have been a couple for 10 years. They have graduate degrees and lucrative careers and a beautiful Spanish colonial home in Toluca Lake, with fountains and tiled terraces and vaulted ceilings with hand-hewn beams.
Sounds like the man has been holding them down big time, doesn’t it?
They have 14-month-old twins, Milo and Kaylee, whom they adore.
Huh?  Sorry, where did the egg(s) come from?  Where was the womb?  Where is the mother in this equation?  These guys intentionally brought children into a situation that deprives them of a mother?  Are women really that disposable?  I guess so.
In their eyes, they have all the trappings of a happy marriage -- just not the marriage itself. And they want it.
In other words, they have everything they need, but they want to force me to issue them a marriage license without a bride being involved.
In a 4-3 vote, the state's high court ruled that language in the law "limiting the designation of marriage to a union 'between a man and a woman' is unconstitutional and must be stricken from the statute."
The law was recognizing marriage, not creating it.  Society and nature “limited it”, or if you believe as I do, God did.  It’s like saying that law should not limit the designation of a circle to something that is round.
Smith and Reifsnyder won't get substantially more legal rights from the ruling. Same-sex couples who register as domestic partners in California have many of the legal rights accorded to married couples, and the ruling will have no effect in the federal domain, including Social Security and income taxes.

But Smith was ecstatic. He said the significance of the ruling is much deeper.

"I think this signals the beginning of the end of ostracism and bullying and all the things used to make people feel less human than others," Smith said.
He’s deluding himself into thinking this will force people to ignore their instincts and what they plainly know to be true.
"Having a majority of the people you live with say you are less worthy of participating in this economy and society," said Smith, "that would make it pretty hard to stick around."
Let me clear this up for you, buddy: YOU ARE PEFECTLY WELCOME TO LIVE BY THE SAME RULES AS THE REST OF US.  What the court is doing is changing the rules for everyone when there is no need to.  Just because you prefer biking to driving a car doesn’t mean you don’t have access to freeways, just like people who prefer driving.
Smith and Reifsnyder always knew they wanted a family.
Then they should have found wives.
They found an egg donor and a surrogate mother.
Ah, a rent-a-womb and a buy-an-egg. How nice.  Gee, why can't any of these same-sex make their own babies?  Oh, that's right.  Mother Nature is a bigot.
They moved from West Hollywood to a tree-lined street in Toluca Lake.

"In West Hollywood, we saw one kid in a three-block radius," said Reifsnyder.
Uh, that’s because, in case you haven’t noticed, it takes both a man and a woman to make a baby naturally.  So they want the kids to have a kid-friendly environment, but not a mother?  Interesting.

John M. Glionna and Francisco Vara-Orta, Los Angeles Times Staff Writers, report, in a piece headlined with:
San Francisco, West Hollywood Celebrate the Supreme Court's Gay Marriage Ruling
One couple said they had long wanted to say 'I do' but had been stymied by those who said 'You can't.' Now they could.
They could have said “I do” all along.  This is not “gay marriage”.  This is “same-sex marriage” which is still an oxymoron. But two heterosexual men can also get “married” under this ruling.
One man talking on his cellphone announced, "Hey guess what? Gays can get married in California. And that means me."
You could have gotten married before, too.  Just not to another man.
Robert Denos, 43, and partner Wil Wilcox, 50, who were [“]married[“] in San Francisco in 2004, dressed up their three small boys -- including a 6-month-old named after San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom -- and brought them out to celebrate.
Where did those kids come from?  Where is their mother?
"They'll have the respect of other families," Wilcox said.
From a judge.  That doesn’t mean everyone else support this sort of thing.

Gavin Newsom, the adulterous mayor of San Francisco who has been in on this scheme to subvert the will of the California electorate from the start, wrote this commentary.
In that spirit, yet one more barrier gave way when the state Supreme Court ruled Thursday that all Californians, regardless of sexual orientation, have the right to marry.
Again, licensed marriage is not a right, but when I went to get my license, nobody asked me my sexual orientation.
It was 60 years ago that the state Supreme Court ruled in Perez vs. Sharp that the ban on interracial marriage was unconstitutional -- 19 years before the U.S. Supreme Court would come to the same conclusion in Loving vs. Virginia.
“Race” is incidental to marriage.  Sex is inherent to it.  It’s like saying that ban on blue circles in the past means we should allow for square circles now.
So in February 2004, when I ordered San Francisco's county clerk to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, it was with full recognition that as goes California, so goes the nation.
You don’t respect marriage, and you don’t respect the law, and you don’t respect the American system.  You simply counted on some judges to overreach.
The same groups that sponsored Proposition 22, the ballot measure the court just overturned, are close to placing a measure on the November ballot that would write discrimination against gays and lesbians into our state Constitution. This effort would not only nullify Thursday's ruling, it could overturn existing laws granting the most basic rights to same-sex couples.
Licensed marriage isn’t a most basic human right.  If it was, single people could also get marriage licenses.
It is one thing to have an intellectual discussion about marriage equality. It is quite another to sit down with a loving couple of nearly 50 years and try to explain to them why they are being discriminated against by a government they help fund with their tax dollars.
Emotion makes for poor law.  They know full well why things are they way they are – they’ve been this way through all of human history.  It isn’t like some right-wing group came along and stopped an established tradition of two men marrying and getting a license.  They could have chosen licensed marriage, but they chose not to participate, or they couldn’t find the right spouse.

His piece is a rambling appeal to emotion with very little logic or reasoning.  It is self-serving and designed to boost his chances of being Governor, and just maybe enough loons in San Francisco and Los Angeles will vote for him.

Then the Los Angeles Times, figuring this wasn’t enough, ran this editorial.
Marriage Rights for All
Again, everyone had the same access to marriage.
'Marriage," the U.S. Supreme Court ruled more than 40 years ago, "is one of the 'basic civil rights of man,' fundamental to our very existence and survival."
Why our survival? Because marriage brings the sexes together.  That ruling was at a time where people could be barred from living together unless they had a licensed marriage.  That is no longer the case.  This is wholly inappropriate to invoke when talking about two men or two women.  Society would still exist if there were NO same-sex pairings.  The same can't be said about both-sex pairings.
And yet that right has been routinely denied to American men and women based on their sexual orientation.
Wrong again!
But the court recognized that rights must supersede customs, that just because marriage traditionally has been defined as a union between a man and a woman, it cannot be denied to same-sex couples by "tradition alone."
Well, you need not look to the past to confirm that men and women are still different.

I’m not surprised.  This was from a newspaper that decided to publicize and celebrate the fact that one of its sports reporters decided to have his genitals hacked off and get female hormones injected into him, and to dress like a woman.  He’s still got a Y chromosome, so he’s still a man.  Just one who is mutilated by his own choice.

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