Posted by
Playful Walrus on Thursday, November 01, 2007 1:25:26 PM
Ah, Margo Howard. Quite often, she’s good for a laugh.
If Dear Margo got a letter that said this:
DEAR MARGO: I am a very happily married woman with a problem: well-intentioned friends and family. My wife and I are lesbians and not ashamed of it. She is wonderful and is my family. The problem is that people assume we are just going through a phase. Other than an indelicate "Butt out," is there any way to get them to see that we are really happy and stable? We've been married for five years – we made it official here in our home state of Massechussets. – HAPPILY GAY
Do you think this would be her reply?
DEAR HAP: You may not be ashamed of it, but you have to know that this arrangement would strike most people as being somewhere between odd and morally wrong, it being quite far from the norm. I am not sure why you felt the need to breeze it around that you and your wife are “happy lesbians.”
Because you have, however, essentially invited people to "butt in," you are a little bit stuck in terms of asking them to butt out. I guess the only way to prove yourselves happy and stable is for you two to continue to thrive with your, uh, happy lesbianism.--- MARGO, BEWILDEREDLY
Not a chance. But you can
see for yourself how she responded to a wife who wrote in about the regular female “third wheels” she and her husband share. For some reason, Margo doesn’t give this wife the same respect, support, and response she would have given a lesbian. How does Margo know that this woman wasn’t born “polyamorous”, just like her husband? How can she judge love?
But then there’s the second letter from the same Dear Margo edition. Imagine she got a letter like this:
DEAR MARGO: I am 25 and married a year. My wife, "Michelle," must've been crafted from the dreams of men to be as perfect as she is. She is the only one in the universe who knows me for me and loves me despite it all. My world without her is simply not a possibility.
But of course, as all your letters detail, there's one teensy-weensy issue. Our lovemaking has become, well, "married": occasional, to-the-point and certainly without any sense of "new." For me, the forbidden element, the adventure, is the exciting element.
I've tried asking specifically for what I think I want, suggesting mild role-playing, and yet I am still drawn to other women. I find myself now in a situation where I am, uh, (seeing? interested in?) occasionally kissing a new friend. It's pure lust, but I really enjoy feeling passionate, desired and sexy. (I've done no more than heavy kissing and have no intention to.)
Sex with my wife is better . . . as long as I am thinking of someone else. What, if anything, is wrong with me? I'm naturally flirtatious and a model to boot, requiring me to get close to fit women, very unlike "Michelle’s" physique. Is it OK to use other women to fuel my wonderful marriage?--- SIZZLE AND SPARK
Do you think this would be her response?
DEAR SIZZ: How lucky you are to have the woman of your dreams. And fortunate, too, that fantasies work for you. They are definitely OK, as well as natural and quite common. They are also a far better solution than fooling around for a temporary thrill and the guilt that goes with it.
"Married lovemaking" cannot sustain the heat of the new, but there are pleasures that come with the familiar. Nothing is wrong with you, except perhaps a little immaturity. Give yourself permission to fantasize all you want, and try to give up the furtive "heavy kissing" with women who look hot to you. Initiate playtime with Michelle and spice it up however you like.
I would think nothing is as sexy as being with a woman you think is terrific. I am betting Michelle (along with Angelina Jolie, Jessica Simpson, or whoever turns your lights on) will respond.--- MARGO, IMAGINATIVELY
No way. I think Margo would have gone after the guy as a louse. But you can see how she responded to a woman who wrote a letter like that one.
But then what should I expect? Margo is just being partial to her own sex and agendas. It is her column – that is her freedom. I just think people should be aware of it.